That Time of Year

It is.
That time.
When the garden is planted.

Dirt, vegetables, weeds, and bugs. My four favorite things.

But, you know, the prophet said to plant a garden...ever heard the song?
And boy does my family know it.

We have the biggest garden in the neighborhood.

Every year I tell my mom, "Shouldn't we scale it back a little this year?"
She vehemently replies, "No! This year we are going to have the best garden ever!"

I tell her we don't have to feed the whole neighborhood out of our garden.
I think she believes that we do.

I really avoid the whole garden thing. Getting up at 6 am to go weed isn't my thing. Usually I get away with staying inside and making breakfast for my family while they weed.

But you know, when I have my own house, I've decided--I will have a garden. It will look like this:


Okay, so it's not your traditional idea of a garden, but it really is a garden.
A Japanese Zen garden.

No weeds, dirt, vegetables, or bugs.
Only rocks.

You don't have to water or weed.
But you can rake--only if you want to though. For meditation.

The Japanese are brilliant.

Life is a Race

I ran the Salt Lake City Half Marathon yesterday.
I really did.

It was SO hard.
And it was SO good.

I’ve been working towards one for more than a year now, but injuries kept getting in the way. I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to because I had some sharp muscle pain the last two weeks, but it worked out. I was so grateful I could run this after I trained for it. I am so thankful God gave me a body that could do this. I know it was a blessing that I was able to run it, because my previous injury could have ruined it for me.

The first three miles were hard.
I know now that...
I don’t ever want to run again without music.
I shouldn’t eat a full-size serving of Olive Garden’s fettuccine alfredo the night before.
I should definitely use the bathroom before I start the race.

Mile 5 was good.
The rest were just hard.

I just can’t express how hard it was.

I had run up to 12 miles before the race, but I just underestimated how hard it would be.

This is how life is too, though. I feel like I knew that it would be hard before I got here to this earth…but now that I’m here—it just seems I underestimated how hard it would be. Some miles of our lives are hard. In fact, many of them are going to be. The mile 5s in our life are probably few and far between.

Lots of people passed me. I loved how I was okay with that. The race was about me finishing. However, I did run faster than I thought I would. I finished a good 15 minutes less than what I expected. And I ran the second half faster than the first half.

I loved running with so many people. I thought I would hate running in a crowd, but there seems to be an almost tangible feeling of unity in running together.

There were little things on the way that made it just a little easier, or made me a little stronger.
On mile 6, I was surprised to see my mom and brothers on the sideline cheering me on.
On the last mile of the race, there was a man I was running by who said, “Come on you guys; don’t give up.” I wish I could find him and thank him—it was so encouraging.
Then, on the last quarter mile there was the guy behind me who said, “Come on girl!” I have no idea if he was talking to me, but I started booking it.

But the experience I will never forget was the last yards to the finish line—where crowds were cheering on either side and I knew—
I was almost done.

It was so surreal—I would say it felt like heaven, except it was so much pain at the same time.
Perhaps that’s what the last leg of the race of life will feel like.
Because that feeling was the closest I’ve felt to heaven for a long time.

I believe there are people cheering for us on earth—and in heaven. If only we could see them.

When I crossed the finish line, the feeling was just overwhelming. I just felt like crying and sobbing. Because it was so good. And it hurt so bad.

The best part about it was that now that I have run a half marathon, I know I can run the race of life even better than I have been. I can run it with more strength and more determination.

Even though it’s hard.
Because it’s worth it.
SO worth it.

My Overactive Conscience

Sometimes I think I was born with a healthy sense of guilt.

If you ask my family, they will tell you I make lots of mistakes. But I am also the quickest person to say "I'm sorry." It's because I can't stand that feeling...you know, that feeling that I've done something wrong. And so I try desperately as fast as I can to fix it.

I've been in situations where I felt uncomfortable with something someone said, or something I saw in a movie, or whatever it was...and nobody else even noticed. Many times people have thought that I have an overactive conscience.

I've thought about it long and hard, and I really feel like I don't have an overactive conscience.
I came to the conclusion a few months ago that I had an effective conscience.

But...something seems to have happened.
Right now I should be feeling guilty for something that happened and something that I did recently. But I don't feel it...like I think I should feel it.

Some of you may be saying, "Oh good. Hopefully she's finally learned to let herself relax and enjoy life."

But this is something I should be feeling genuinely guilty about.

Where the heck is my conscience?!?

Whoever took it, please give it back. Wherever it is, please return to me.
Because I can't live without it. It's gotten me so far...and I really really can't survive without it now.

Scattered Thoughts

You know when you overhear a snippet of a conversation at just the right moment to completely confuse you or make you laugh?

Well, I collect these scattered thoughts. So here are some I've heard lately...some of them are funny, some of them you might have had to be there.

Here are some I heard around campus...good old BYU.

"...I mean, if there was no Facebook, she probably wouldn't have married Harry..."
(Oh, now this is scary. Now we're dating and marrying people because of Facebook? Maybe I should deactivate my account. On the other hand, I could use this to my advantage."

A person, "Well, she's not completely desperate. Other person in a tone of complete gravity, "I think she is."
(Is she desperate? Or is she not? Stay tuned.)

Conversation between two girls about a boy, "He'll try to kiss you and make it official someway. He's just a nervous person and he doesn't know what he's doing...I talked to him and I think he really does like you."
(Oh girls...sometimes I wonder why we listen to each other. Girls can get other girls in relationship trouble sooooo fast and create expectations that cause emotional trauma. Yes, trauma.)

Two guys, "So are you dating anyone?" Response, "No...well, kinda."
(I'd like to hear the other side of this one...I can hear the girl now, "I'm so excited to be dating him! He just seems really committed and I really feel like it's going somewhere.")

Heard outside the library, "The weather is so schizophrenic today."
(Note: Schizophrenic is when you see people that aren't there...um? I don't know if you can give the weather that personification. Doesn't quite work.)

Phone conversation, "He said that girls weren't smart here, but he didn't want to date any of the smart ones because they weren't attractive, but all the ones he is attracted to aren't smart...he's looking for substance girls, and what better place to find them. I mean, he's not going to find any in the party rooms at TU."
("Substance girls"...meaning having substance and not taking substance, I presume.)

A guy on his phone, "You've never had chicken alfredo? That's weird. Um...can you cook? It's not too difficult."
(And then he preceded to discuss what the other person had eaten in the last week. Um...okay.)

Girl in the hall, "Stacy's in the back baby-making." Boy, "Yeah, I heard the ruckus earlier." Girl, "Yeah, I decided to go be productive myself. Baby making."
(This conversation obviously applied to some situation that only made sense to the two of them. All I can say is, I don't think I'd say that too loudly down a hall where dozens of people can hear me.)

Two more from classes...

A professor commented on High School Musical saying, "There are some elements that give it some more depth...the characters aren't as square."
(I'm sorry, but the characters in High School Musical are about as square as they come. Okay, well I guess we could say that Troy sings and plays basketball...but is that really depth?)

From a movie about American influence on Japanese culture, "It was a Japanese person's worst nightmare--to be alone in a room full of unpredictable, aggressive Americans."
(No comment. It was just hilarious to me.)

So next time you overhear something funny...write it down. And share it with me.